


Maesus

by BPDEmmy



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2016-06-08
Packaged: 2018-04-24 13:19:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4921141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BPDEmmy/pseuds/BPDEmmy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was a point in Harry's life where he refused to admit anything was wrong with him, but then there was also a point in his life where he thought it was normal to be starved and live under the stairs.</p>
<p>Maesus; a Latin word meaning "sad, melancholy, gloomy, woeful, and/or distressing"</p>
<p>Relationship tags, archive warnings, and other tags to be added as the story unfolds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Morning's were always the most difficult part of his day, the light was too much, the sounds of a house waking up was too much. And the crying of a baby in the next room made him want to do the same. He much preferred to stay in bed, reflecting on the things he had done that had led him to this point and the upcoming divorce.

With three kids Harry only found himself spiraling deeper into the numbness that had started out as pain. Realizing with each new face that he could not love, that the seed in him was dark and growing. With a fourth child on the way, he had tried to bring up some excitement at the news, but any hopes he had had were crushed when Ginny couldn't look him in the eye as she said it might not be his.

It had hurt- of course it had hurt- but she'd sat him down, held him through the silent tears, told him there was something wrong with him. That she couldn't love a broken man, couldn't love someone who's eyes didn't smile anymore.

They both agreed it was better for him to stay away from the children until he'd seen a professional.

 

Pushing himself up from the too soft mattress with stiff arms he shifted to the edge of the bed and pulled himself upwards. Grunting as he did so. The stiffness in his joints never left anymore, so he never bothered to try and get rid of it.

After the loo, where he'd thought about brushing his teeth- as he scrubbed the soap between his hands- but didn't, he made his way slowly to the kitchen. Something similar to happiness rose into his throat when he saw the cold breakfast sitting on the table for him. Ginny must not have had time to place a heating charm on it, but the kids would be with Molly now, no worries about them getting sick from food that had been sitting out for maybe-too-long. With the bitter thought he chewed on the tasteless food, that alternated between an uncomfortable sponginess and a crunch between his teeth.

When it was done, he looked around, wondering for something to do. There were a few appointments on the calendar, but upon closer inspection (with his glasses of course) he discovered the one marked for today was for James. Sighing he chewed his lip nervously, feeling a stranger in the home he had bought. Again glancing at the table he made to reach for his dish to clean it, but Springy popped in and without a word whisked it away.

Perhaps if he'd never invested in a house-elf he would feel more useful... sometimes. Because if Ginny wasn't bouncing between her jobs and picking up the kids, she was cleaning, told him it helped her think of other things.

With nothing much else to do except stand there and wallow in his own pity Harry made his way slowly back down the hall to the guest room he had moved to.

Sitting down on the edge of the bed it seemed like he had just risen from, Harry placed his face in his hands and cried. It wasn't theatrical, it wasn't therapeutic, he simply cried. There was nothing better to do, nothing he could do. Sliding onto the floor he wiped away the tears even as the continued to fall, searching around the room with blurry eyes.

He knew every book he owned, possibly because he could count them on one hand, and the rest of the bookshelf was occupied with pictures of... happier times. Or, maybe they hadn't been happy times, because as he reached for one of him and Ginny on their wedding day, he could not remember what it felt like to smile and mean it.

Something was wrong with him, because surely he should at least remember what it was like? To lean down and kiss his wife while meaning it. To kiss her while thinking "I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you", instead of when they kissed in public where he could only hope it didn't look fake. Because, God, if the press got a hold of their divorce before it happened... he shuddered, the numbness was gone for a moment, replaced with disgust for the general public. He'd never know the end of it, never stop hearing questions about the kids, about what had made their marriage fail. And the slander Ginny would face... he cringed. Perhaps he should apologize, maybe they could stop the proceedings, stay together and let the press get a hold of an affair story instead, at least then he could be by her back to press off the reporters, they'd always listened to his demands for quiet more then hers. He knew that annoyed her...

He swiped away the tears that had dried, and set the picture back on the nightstand that stood within his reach. And finally he moved from the floor, setting his determination to talk to Ginny before she went to bed.

Walking from room to room Harry felt lost, not knowing how much time had passed, and looking for a clock every few moments before setting his brows down and remembering that somewhere along the lines he had forgotten how to read them, and even then some of the clocks in this house didn't even show the actual times and he'd been stood there staring at immobile hands for who knows how long before he realized it told the places of the children instead.

Wandering for a bit longer he found himself eventually at the front door, putting on a coat and shoes before he remembered he had nowhere to go and undoing the progress. Shaking himself he reached for his wand but found nothing in the holster, panicking for a moment he tried hard to remember where he'd put it, as the panic rose and swelled in his chest his breathing became heavier and his steps faster as he looked in room after room. Again tears came into his eyes, frustrated with himself. Surely Ginny would be coming home soon for lunch, maybe she could help him find it if she had time? If she even came home, that is. Sometimes she didn't... hopefully today would be a day where she did.

Biting his lip he sat himself down at the kitchen table and ran his hands through his hair, it soothed him. He didn't know how long he sat there, but it didn't seem like it had been long at all when he heard the door unlock and someone come in. She didn't call out to him, and when she stepped into the kitchen a look of surprise passed her face before becoming concern.

"Harry," Ginny said. "Is everything alright?"

"I've lost my wand." Her eyebrows knit down, confusion setting her features.

"Harry we took your wand away a week ago, after..." She trailed off, biting her lip and wringing her hands as she watched Harry's mouth form an "oh" before he set back to staring at his hands.

"I... forgot."

"It's okay, Harry." Angry swelled and dipped in his stomach and he stood up, sending the chair clattering as he whirled to face her, words on the tip of his tongue but he cut himself short. Fear... why did she look so afraid? He cringed back, mumbling a million apologies as he moved to set the chair right and hurried from the room, gripping at his hair as once more the tears started.

Where had all these emotions come from? Numbness, anger, sorrow, frustration, all in a vicious cycle that ate at him and drained whatever energy he woke with. All the felt now was tired.


	2. Chapter 2

At some point Harry discovered he had fallen asleep, curled up and stiff, he blinked into the dim light of the room, trying to figure out what had woken him. However, it was quiet, so Harry uncurled and stumbled out of the bed for the second time that day. Making his way clumsily to the living room he sneaked a peek in, blinking owlishly when he realized he was looking at Ginny crying. Unsure of what to do, he raised a hand to knock when she sniffled and looked over before he could make a noise.

“Hi, Harry. You're up early.” At his confused expression she cast a clumsy _tempus_ for him. 07:02. “The paper just came in, you might-” her voice broke and he stepped into the room to make to comfort her, but was brushed off. “-you might want to read it.”

Nodding Harry sat down and picked up the paper, staring at her as he turned back to the front page, and when he read it his breath caught and it nearly fell from his fingers.

 

**HARRY POTTER**

**MARRIAGE CRUMBLING?**

AN INSIDE VIEW

 

“How did they-”

“My... mistress.”

“She...? She did this?” With teary eyes Ginny looked over to him as if she'd expected something else, but frankly Harry didn't care anymore who Ginny found happiness with, just that they had turned on her.

“Yeah, she did.” It was frank and harsh and once more Ginny's voice broke and she fell froward, tears falling down her face as her mouth stayed open in a soundless scream, her body hiccuping as she shook. Brushed off once Harry made no moves to comfort her, instead he set the paper down, and went to make breakfast.

When Ginny came into the kitchen the children were there, Lily looed up at her with young and confused eyes while James just pointed at Harry and questioned aloud what he was doing here. Patting James on the head and picking up Lily from her highchair Ginny set her baby to her hip and went over to see if the eggs looked as good as they smelled.

A little bit of worry went through her when she saw Harry's wand, but he simply took it after he dished out a little bit of eggs onto each plate, and put a heating charm on them. He smiled over his shoulder and she was dazzled, blinking in confusion and wondering just what had transpired between now and the living room.

He herded her back over to Lily's highchair as he set down her little Disney Princess sectioned plate, where the Princesses moved and clapped in joy every time Lily finished her meal. As she set Lily back down and went and retrieved her fork, Harry finished setting out the rest of the food for Albus and James.

Filling out one final plate, Harry didn't wait for any sort of approval or thanks from Ginny before he swept out of the room and went to dress properly.

Finally throwing on his robe, Harry darted back in the kitchen to grab his wand, before bidding a farewell to his family, hoping against all odds that this anger driven mood would last him until the reached the ministry.

 

By the time he stood outside the floo gates of the ministry his angry mood had flared even more, people on duty already pointing and whispering as he passed. Flashing his ID meaninglessly to the person working the front desk he asked to speak to Skeeter, smiling acidly when the woman went without question to retrieve her.

Waiting patently Harry simply touched the paper in his pocket every time his mood started to dip back into numbness.

Finally after what seemed like far too long, Skeeter came flouncing up to him from a hall he had not seen before.

“Oh, Harry! Have you come to talk to me about my article from this morning?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact Ms. Skeeter, I have.” With each word, though, the energy that he had come in with seemed to drain out of him. Faced with the task of actually talking to Skeeter about his anger he realized he had done so with no plan. Swallowing the unease as it rose he readied himself. “I have a few problems with it, if we could speak in private about this matter?”

“Of course!” She squeaked, turning and motioning for him to follow. “Ah, but you will allow me to document the session, correct?”

“No.” Her face fell and he noted that as a battle won. Settling himself in the over cushioned chair he took a deep breath. “I am... upset, that you published that article without first coming and speaking to me or Mrs. Potter ourselves, we would have been... happier with the outcome should you have done so.”

“Oh, but Mr. Potter, our sources insisted that there was no need to. She- _ahem –_ they assured me they had spoken with you on the matter. But since you are coming to me I can assume that's not the case?”

All of the remaining fight in Harry's system drained at her words, but his mind worked faster then it had in ages as he tried to save face for Ginny. “Well, no, they never came to us, we had no idea a story was going to be published until we saw the paper this morning.”

Her silence pushed Harry's mind into overdrive and he leaned forward. “You see... none of this is Ginny's fault!”

“My source pushed me to believe otherwise.”

“It's possible your... source was simply aware of my own affair, and wanted to punish Ginny in some way.” Skeeter rose to his words and her fingers seemed to itch to write down what he said. “You see... and you can publish this...”- _and God Ginny don't be mad_ \- “I've been seeing someone myself. Ginny found out and well... we filed for divorce, we simply aren't meant for each other in certain ways, she's still my friend and always will be- make sure to emphasize that Ms. Skeeter. But I... I'm homosexual.”

Skeeter paused and gaped at him before her eyes lit up in triumph and she looked for all factors ready to throw a party. “So I- for the better of our friendship- thought I should come to you with this. Nothing Ginny's done has turned me this way, nothing was her fault, and nothing will ever _be_ her fault. But I can't _lie_ anymore... I....” He took a deep breath, wondering what chaos he had just signed himself up for. “That's all I came to say.”

He stood, they shook hands, and he left. Closing the office door behind him and heaving a deep sigh. He felt as if life had been breathed back into him before being once more stolen away. Dragging up wisps of energy he set his shoulders, and walked out of the building, his face solemn and his walk stiff.

 

This... was going to be hell.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I've moved accounts and I kind of want to continue this, but idk if I will, my new account will be listed in the notes below, but here's what I had typed up before I lost inspiration!!

Wandering his way back to the Leaky Cauldron Harry's eyes passed across the muggle crowds the pressed past him in the rush to get back to their work stations. In no such rush himself Harry listened to the million and one muttered apologies as people bumped into him, rolling his eyes he scooted to the side of the pavement and pressed to the wall before continuing on his way. 

It occurred to him, perhaps too late, that he shouldn't have been out walking around into the wizarding world after the paper had been published that morning. As he opened the door and stepped into the bar all eyes turned to him and whispers started up, men and women turning to each other and hissing out conversations as he passed to talk to the bartender. 

“Hello, Tom.” He said, smiling weakly as he sat. “I'm hoping it's not too early to get something a little on the stronger side?”

“Of course not.” He said, voice gruff as he gave Harry a curious glance before turning to mix him a drink. “So, that story today, is it true?” At the words the entire tavern seemed to lean towards them, desperate to hear Harry's answer.

“Partially, but it wasn't Ginny, it was me.” A witch gasped from behind him and the chatter resumed three fold, no one bothering to even whisper this time as they speculated what he could possibly mean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my new account is @gaisang and if I do continue this I ask you go there to see any updates as it will be posted again there after some editing should i resume!  
> Hope you're all having a wonderful day!


End file.
